So you don't want a relationship... Ok. Well I do...
Lately I have been trying to figure out how I was going to end an arrangement that has gone on too long. I have had a FWB for a little over a year now and I am starting to come out of the sex haze I have been under. Yes, I fell in love with him and I know I know... I'm an idiot. But there was something about him besides the sex, of course, that kept me coming back.
He truly cared for me. He would do anything for me in his power. I guess I felt safe enough with him to let my guard down...
Next thing I know, I'm writing love poems and pining after him (OMG gag me with a spoon).
T says I never loved him... I only felt that way because I knew deep down I couldn't have him. He is wrong for the most part but I know that not being able to have him played a part though. Most of my friends don't know that this "arrangement" has continued on even though I told him about my feelings for him. I guess they all assumed that once I told him how I felt, that he would do what most typical men do, run. But of course he didn't run. When I told him how I felt, I told him that I was jest letting him know. I wasn't expecting a response at all... Just had to get it off my chest. He got weird for a week and then things went back to the way they were. We continued to flirt, talk and have sex like nothing ever happened.
I sometimes wonder how he justified it in his head... After hearing someone tell you that they were in love with you, How are you still able to have a sexual relationship with that person knowing what must be going on inside their head?
I know, I have no one to blame for that but myself for allowing it to happen.
Thinking about it now, I can't believe the things I would think... If I keep waiting for him eventually he'll wake up and realize what is standing right in front of him... He'll eventually wan't a relationship with me, I just know it. (gag)
Bottom line, really is... I think he thinks of me as a very good friend that he can get together with and occasionally bang for a mutual release. Yes he cares about me and I would venture to say that he loves me but he will never want to have a relationship with me.
That saddens me but something good has come out of it. I have realized that I do have the capacity to love and I actually am wanting to have a relationship again. This is really surprising, considering the three years of me wanting absolutely nothing to do with any type of relationship.
This is a good thing. :-)
This is the end of a good thing that went on a little too long.
Peace out!
Topher
He truly cared for me. He would do anything for me in his power. I guess I felt safe enough with him to let my guard down...
Next thing I know, I'm writing love poems and pining after him (OMG gag me with a spoon).
T says I never loved him... I only felt that way because I knew deep down I couldn't have him. He is wrong for the most part but I know that not being able to have him played a part though. Most of my friends don't know that this "arrangement" has continued on even though I told him about my feelings for him. I guess they all assumed that once I told him how I felt, that he would do what most typical men do, run. But of course he didn't run. When I told him how I felt, I told him that I was jest letting him know. I wasn't expecting a response at all... Just had to get it off my chest. He got weird for a week and then things went back to the way they were. We continued to flirt, talk and have sex like nothing ever happened.
I sometimes wonder how he justified it in his head... After hearing someone tell you that they were in love with you, How are you still able to have a sexual relationship with that person knowing what must be going on inside their head?
I know, I have no one to blame for that but myself for allowing it to happen.
Thinking about it now, I can't believe the things I would think... If I keep waiting for him eventually he'll wake up and realize what is standing right in front of him... He'll eventually wan't a relationship with me, I just know it. (gag)
Bottom line, really is... I think he thinks of me as a very good friend that he can get together with and occasionally bang for a mutual release. Yes he cares about me and I would venture to say that he loves me but he will never want to have a relationship with me.
That saddens me but something good has come out of it. I have realized that I do have the capacity to love and I actually am wanting to have a relationship again. This is really surprising, considering the three years of me wanting absolutely nothing to do with any type of relationship.
This is a good thing. :-)
This is the end of a good thing that went on a little too long.
Peace out!
Topher
posted by Topher at 3:02 PM
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